Love affairs...(part 1)

Today, Let us talk on a different but interesting topic of life:-).

Almost everyone wants to have a partner (from opposite sex) which could play a vital, supportive, caring and trustworthy role in life! This is the relation which is required for many reasons: social, physical, mental, spiritual etc. I feel this is one of the toughest decision and challenge in life i.e. to find and convince a partner of life. Please bear in mind that what i write is my personal view and observation, you are free either to agree or to disagree.

What does mean love(between opposite sexes)?
Is it name of only few kisses and exchange of few beautiful words etc or is it something which goes beyond these aspects and needs of life? Should not loving pair help and support each othert through thick and thin of life or this is not part of modern love affairs? What does happen when people seem to be deeply involved in love but all of a sudden get separated why...? What could be the reasons behind such heart breaking incidents and who is responsible for it, boys or girls? How could the situation be improved? No way! No, there is always a way!

Personally i feel that if one really claims to be a true lover then this relation should be eternal one and based upon maximum possible care, understanding, respect and very importantly upon mutual tolerance and patience. What kind of love is it which breaks down with even a weak wind of problems? Yes, i must not be an idealistic person since there are many things which effect our life but still we should be optimistic, realistic and brave.

Personally I could figure out following few reasons which effect love cases negatively!

• obligations: I feel that most of us are afraid to take responsibility and obligations which are required to have permanent and trusted relationship
• lack of a common goal(priorities): it is true that everyone is different but when two people come closer they need to agree on some points of life to make a shared journey of life
• lack of a bigger goal of life: If goal of life is too narrow e.g. only restricted to few financial and social status milestones then this makes life quite restricted and also life gets boring after some period of time but in opposite case if goal of life is much bigger then one thinks and acts in much bigger perspective.
• busy life: yes, life is getting faster, demanding and competitive with passage of time and it is getting harder to keep the social relations and promises. It is really a pity.
• localities: People do live, study and work at different locations and in this age they even have to move in another country which makes a big difference. It is human nature that he/she starts getting interested in what is in front of him/her and might forget other important things. Well, it is very hard to fulfil the demands of such relation from a different location. Again this is a sad aspect!
• individualism/materialism: Individualism when goes beyond certain limits could result in lesser interaction and interest in people and things sorrounding us. On the other hand total materialistic approach may result in change in priorities and lesser interest with people and society. Personally i feel that material things (money etc) are not goal of life rather they are needs of life! When a need becomes itself a highest goal then it disturbes the balance and direction.
• partners, partners, partners: Although this might be a difficult pill to swallow but i feel it is one of the big hindrance in having long term and trustworthy relationships. I think whenever one changes a relationship it does effect our feelings, it makes us colder, weaker and suspicious. It is never easy and without side effects to leave a person with whom one was feeling quite good few days ago! We even start loving our places where we live, our pets etc then what would be the case when we break our relations with a human being?!!!
• lack of a trustworthy arbitrator(Family, relatives, friends etc): When two people live together then there is always a natural possibility of having few disagreements, disputes etc and although the source of dispute might be a petty one but in flow of emotions and sometimes egoism they can break their relations due to such natural problems/conflicts. So if there is not a common and trustworthy arbitrator then they may not realize the situation but if there is such a person(or persons) then it can definitely help in keeping the relations smoother and continues! Unfortunately our life has taken such courses that we don't benefit much from such important arbitrators e.g. parents, relatives!
• lack of an external source of bond(religion, society, persons etc): There are different sources which help in keeping the relationships of pairs stronger and smoother although sometimes such sources themselves become unduly oppressing. I feel relationship of the pair should be stronger but in case there is no way to live together they should be allowed to get separated. In any case external wise bond is very helping and effective.
• these are opposite sexes:-): It is even harder for the same sex people (i am not talking about gays and lesbians) to live together happily for longer term then how challenging it would be to live together with someone from opposite sex? In this case there are not only differences of emotions but also physical and mental ones so it is a big challenge. However this challenge is very interesting, positive and necessary one, it makes life balanced, focused and stable.
• social trends: Direction of society has a deep effect upon a family life. There was a time when most of the people have been living together after having marriages but gradually trend of the society has been changed. It is harming or benefiting, we need to think realistically based upon broader perspective!!
• too micro level calculations: No one can calculate exact details what will come in future so when we start thinking that we must be in total control of future then we put ourselves in pain since future is not fully in our control! So those who start thinking like e.g. it will be hard to sustain relationship in future due to such and such things, they may never have permanent relationships. If intentions are pure and dedications are strong then future is easier otherwise... Plan is very necessary but the parameters for the plan in this case are enormous and very divergent.
• testing each other in all aspeccts: Another hard pill, i personally feel it marginally decreases interest for a permanent relation in future if we test each other almost in all aspects! A relation should be a much broader and durable one instead of consideration of only few temporary aspects(e.g. emotional, sexual etc).
• lack of guidance at early youth age: When one takes his/her first steps into youth then he/she is very anxious, excited and hot. This is learning period for the young ones. At that period of age their blood is very hot and their mental maturity is quite low so at that point of life they do need intelligent, realistic, friendly and sincere guidance. I think many people don't get that guidance due to many reasons e.g. due to their lack of maturity, excitement and generation gap etc.
• i am too young!: Many of us think ooh i am too young, i should not get into any serious relationship, i should enjoy first! Well, as i mentioned earlier every broken relationship(even the one taken as not very serious) weakens our emotions and trust so i feel that such adventures can very easily transform us into individuals who have very little energy to sustain a caring, long term and trustworthy relationship. There is another important aspect: as we grow older our habits get fixed and it becomes harder and harder to accommodate another individual in life!!!
• search of best match: what is best match and where he/she is? How could one know who is the best one? we don't have any database where one could see all the candidates and their priorities, habits, characters and intentions! So if one will keep on searching in this way then he/she might end up spending whole life in this search. If one is really serious to have best match then he/she should avoid sharing feelings with non-ideal ones otherwise it looks as a kind of cheating!!!
• political/economic/religious reasons: There are rules and regulations which hinder people from getting into permanent relationships i.e. marriage.
• media: as usual Mr. or Ms. media has got a very pivotal role in our life. It can very easily show only those aspects of life which it wants and can hide what it does not like, it can propagate which it likes, it has somehow power to prove white as black and vice versa. Now role models are changing, everything is just available at home at our screens. I don't say that media is a bad thing but we should not leave everything on it. Media is just a virtual life not complete or real one.
• ...

So these are few of the reasons which i could understand and observe that effect negatively most of love affairs. There will be others which i will learn from you and others in future:-).

In next post i will try to present some answers and solutions to questions and problems. In meantime you may reflect upon the authenticity of my presented reasons and also upon possible solutions. Sorry if there was something annoying.

I will be back soon so stay tuned:-)

Best regards and wishes,